I Am Alone

Posted: September 1, 2014 in Uncategorized

I am alone. The world which shook at my feet…and the trees…and the sky have gone. And I am alone now. Alone.

There has always been something omnipresent in my family that we have struggled with, just as everyone else struggles; feeling alone. As I sit here tonight, no one to talk to, no one to listen. I am alone. Alone with my thoughts, and alone with my memories. Memories of what I missed out of and the friends from the past that did not stay to the present. The silence fills the room as thick as the viscosity of the darkness. The happiness that occurs during the day fades with the setting sun and once again, I am alone. This is not a cry for help or a need for understanding, this is me being honest about me. You can want to help, try you’re hardest, but know, because you’re human, you will need to recover, and once again, I am alone. I learned of my family’s loneliness through tough times shared and painful memories experienced, but we rose above it together. So while I have my family to always be there, there is not enough light to block the shadow that haunts me in my sleep like a blanket of the void waiting for me to relax.

So while I have friends, family, people who care, and those who are better of not caring, they are not me. They are not what I need to get through every day in the usual spirit that I fake. They are not me, nor my energy. They shouldn’t be either. This is not their fight, this is mine. It is not depression or a calling for help, this is life. The life that throws you into the dirt so you can dust yourself off and get thrown down again. It is every meandering curve and twist on this rollercoaster. It is the up and downs and all arounds that we experience. So the past has faded and all I knew has changed as more things come and go, but that is okay, life is that way. So I am surrounded by help, but in order to control my life, I must know, I am alone.

The wind bites now and the world is grey. And I am alone here.

 

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