Broken, in more ways than one…

Posted: October 2, 2013 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

I have literally never felt more disconnected from the world than now. As I am forced to lay here in bed doing nothing but waste the day away, I can’t help but think what is going on else where. I can’t live by a schedule hardly anymore because there’s no where I need to be. I can’t go to school until after the surgery on Friday and I can’t go to work for at least a month or longer because I can’t put any weight on my left foot. I don’t get to hang out with friends or go to the crazy amount of marching band competitions coming up this month. The boredom I could handle if I could walk still, but then I would prevent myself from all this boredom by working and keeping busy. All this free time makes me think, too much thinking leads to sad thoughts, and sad thoughts lead to depressing blog posts. I can’t do much with my right hand because that wrist is either just sore or sprained, either way, I can’t afford to think about it.

Above all else, what I am most annoyed about with having a broken leg, is the fact that I have to be even more dependent on people more than I was. My family has this thing of pride where we want to show that we can survive on our own and be independent. Then again, everyone who is independent, has a car and two healthy legs. People think I’m overreacting when I stress out about having to borrow or depend on people to do something, but now I have to get help just to do something simple like carrying a bag or a cup without a lid. These small things we all take for granted, but I can’t do for at least a month. Sure some people are comforting and optimistic in saying that the time will fly by quickly, but the truth is that it won’t. One day feels like forever, the rest of humanity seems like a distant dream, and the day-to-day interactions that I grew so accustom to now seem like a distant memory.

So I am broken in more ways than just the two bones in my leg. I am broken emotionally, morally, and energetically. But I will not fall again. Just because I can hardly move physically and all the money I’ve worked for is being whisked away, doesn’t mean I accept it and give up, I refuse. Happiness is meant to be pursued and that is what I will do.

 

“To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield…”

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